Book Notes: How to Move in with Your Boyfriend…

[AN: All notes are taken verbatim from the book. I claim no rights to them.]

How to Move in with Your Boyfriend (and not break up with him) by Tiffany Current

  1. Introduction
    1. Moving in together is A LOT different than spending every second together
  2. Shacking Up—now or never
    1. Moving in should never be spontaneous
    2. Live In Lesson (LIL): take things slow. If it is meant to be, it will be.
    3. Make sure you can live with bad habits, both of you!
    4. Can a dealbreaker be compromised on?
    5. Telling yourself “It’s just a phase. He/She will grow out of it” is a coping mechanism. And usually, not a good one.
    6. LIL: accept who your partner is, not who they may become
  3. Ready, Set…Wait!
    1. List reasons on why you want to move in together (never make assumptions)
    2. Try to come up with a move in date
    3. “avoid moving in together during a stressful time in your life” pg. 31
    4. Get ready of lack of support and negativity from friends and family
  4. My Place or Yours?
    1. Your place, his place, new place?
    2. Take into account the proximity to required areas: work, grocery store, etc.
    3. Know your size and cost (rent control is a plus)
    4. Post-Its are not legally binding documents [they are in Florida]
  5. Splitsville…the good kind
    1. Basic financials to know: how much $$ do you have, how much do you spend on a monthly basis, and how much do you owe
    2. Make a list of every bill you pay on a monthly basis and know how much it costs you
    3. Know your credit score
    4. Difference in income? Income A $5000, Income B $3500, Total $8500. Percentage of bills paid: Income A 58%, Income B 41%. Divide expenses accordingly
      1.                                                                i.      To take debt into equation: sub debt from income first
  6. Your Stuff Belongs in a Garage Sale
    1. Open up closet and figure out what you actually need
    2. LIL: stop the “just-in-case” thinking. If you don’t need it now, you probably don’t need it. [my mother was raised by her Depression-era grandmother who instilled this in her. I still battle her over stupid things to this day.]
    3. Furniture considerations: condition; sentimental value (when it comes to nostalgia, you’ll have to give a little); feelings are more important than possessions
  7. But Your Cat Bites
    1. Write out a list of pet chores
    2. Decide who’s doing what
    3. Talk expenses
    4. Top 4 pet expenses: food, vet bills, toys, hygenien
    5. Be clear on discipline and sleeping arrangements
  8. Mary Poppins is on Sick Leave
    1. Two people living together means twice the dust, twice the dirt, etc.
    2. Compile the must-do weekly chores list
    3. Split chores either 50/50 or like/hate/tolerate
    4. Talk about cleaning pet peeves up front
    5. Just because you’ve asked, doesn’t mean it will get down immediately
    6. Don’t make cooking duty assumptions
  9. Reality Bites
    1. Spending time apart is healthy
    2. Everyone needs to be able to function on his/her own
    3. Have someone else to vent to
    4. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder
    5. Hinting doesn’t work; be direct
    6. Fight fair; no bringing in irrelevant topics
    7. Make time for yourself
  10. Your Friends Don’t Live Here Anymore
    1. Figure out how much time in the presence of each other’s friends you both can tolerate
    2. Have a set of basic house rules: smoking; locked doors to keep snoopers away; borrowing items; things getting broken
    3. Overnight guests: who is allowed and for how long?
    4. Girls are responsible for explaining things to their people; guys are responsible for explaining things to their people
    5. If someone JUST WON’T leave, make them start chipping in towards expenses, mainly rent
  11. Some Like IT Hot
    1. Compliments and acknowledgements go a long way
    2. Come up with a list of things you’d like to do, but never had the chance (a similar list can be made for the bedroom)
  12. Conclusion: to be or not to be?
    1. If you’ve given up after a few months, wait a little while longer. You could still be in the adjustment phase

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