[AN: All notes are taken verbatim from the book. I claim no rights to them.]
How to Move in with Your Boyfriend (and not break up with him) by Tiffany Current
- Introduction
- Moving in together is A LOT different than spending every second together
- Shacking Up—now or never
- Moving in should never be spontaneous
- Live In Lesson (LIL): take things slow. If it is meant to be, it will be.
- Make sure you can live with bad habits, both of you!
- Can a dealbreaker be compromised on?
- Telling yourself “It’s just a phase. He/She will grow out of it” is a coping mechanism. And usually, not a good one.
- LIL: accept who your partner is, not who they may become
- Ready, Set…Wait!
- List reasons on why you want to move in together (never make assumptions)
- Try to come up with a move in date
- “avoid moving in together during a stressful time in your life” pg. 31
- Get ready of lack of support and negativity from friends and family
- My Place or Yours?
- Your place, his place, new place?
- Take into account the proximity to required areas: work, grocery store, etc.
- Know your size and cost (rent control is a plus)
- Post-Its are not legally binding documents [they are in Florida]
- Splitsville…the good kind
- Basic financials to know: how much $$ do you have, how much do you spend on a monthly basis, and how much do you owe
- Make a list of every bill you pay on a monthly basis and know how much it costs you
- Know your credit score
- Difference in income? Income A $5000, Income B $3500, Total $8500. Percentage of bills paid: Income A 58%, Income B 41%. Divide expenses accordingly
- i. To take debt into equation: sub debt from income first
- Your Stuff Belongs in a Garage Sale
- Open up closet and figure out what you actually need
- LIL: stop the “just-in-case” thinking. If you don’t need it now, you probably don’t need it. [my mother was raised by her Depression-era grandmother who instilled this in her. I still battle her over stupid things to this day.]
- Furniture considerations: condition; sentimental value (when it comes to nostalgia, you’ll have to give a little); feelings are more important than possessions
- But Your Cat Bites
- Write out a list of pet chores
- Decide who’s doing what
- Talk expenses
- Top 4 pet expenses: food, vet bills, toys, hygenien
- Be clear on discipline and sleeping arrangements
- Mary Poppins is on Sick Leave
- Two people living together means twice the dust, twice the dirt, etc.
- Compile the must-do weekly chores list
- Split chores either 50/50 or like/hate/tolerate
- Talk about cleaning pet peeves up front
- Just because you’ve asked, doesn’t mean it will get down immediately
- Don’t make cooking duty assumptions
- Reality Bites
- Spending time apart is healthy
- Everyone needs to be able to function on his/her own
- Have someone else to vent to
- Absence really does make the heart grow fonder
- Hinting doesn’t work; be direct
- Fight fair; no bringing in irrelevant topics
- Make time for yourself
- Your Friends Don’t Live Here Anymore
- Figure out how much time in the presence of each other’s friends you both can tolerate
- Have a set of basic house rules: smoking; locked doors to keep snoopers away; borrowing items; things getting broken
- Overnight guests: who is allowed and for how long?
- Girls are responsible for explaining things to their people; guys are responsible for explaining things to their people
- If someone JUST WON’T leave, make them start chipping in towards expenses, mainly rent
- Some Like IT Hot
- Compliments and acknowledgements go a long way
- Come up with a list of things you’d like to do, but never had the chance (a similar list can be made for the bedroom)
- Conclusion: to be or not to be?
- If you’ve given up after a few months, wait a little while longer. You could still be in the adjustment phase
